Geostorm

"Aren’t you a little bit curious to watch the world burn?"

Gerard Butler V The Weather Geostorm. Such a stupid, made up nonsense word. When I first heard the title of the movie I laughed. It sounds like one of those parody B-movies boshed out by the Syfy channel on a regular basis, but the studio know how ridiculous they are. This is just like Geostorm, except it has better CGI, a greater budget and better-quality stars. However I still haven’t worked out whether director Dean Devlin (who has worked on Independence Day and Godzilla) intended it to be as funny as it was. He HAD to be in on it because it is a hoot. Well, I thought it was a hoot. I think I may have been the only one in the room who laughed all the way through.

It is 2019 and severe climate change has forced a vast number of nations to construct a worldwide network of satellites which can literally control the weather. But now, this very system that was built to protect the Earth is now attacking it, and it is down to two estranged brothers to solve the problem before the world is destroyed by the worst kind of storm ever; a geostorm.

I think it’s important to point out now that if you go into this movie expecting a serious, scientifically savvy movie based in reality then you’re in for a surprise. It would be a big ask to take seriously a premise that asks you to believe that Gerard Butler could play a scientist/astronaut whose accent is a mix of American and Scottish who can be responsible for building global satellites that can control the weather.

The trailer, the movie poster and the title itself all give the promise of total destruction by this ‘geostorm’, but then distracts the audience with a ludicrous 24-style government conspiracy plot, amusing scenes of people being chased by the weather (There's a scene involving a man on a camel in Dubai which was my favourite), and  ends with an unnamed, unrelated Indian boy being reunited with his dog. Yes, there is a beloved pet dog in danger in a disaster movie. And yes, it lives and millions of people die, but who cares as long as the dog lives? The movie continues to tick boxes straight from the disaster movie playbook, including a father and his shaky relationship with his child who thinks he’s a huge disappointment. There’s also a brotherly rivalry, lightning bolts that can blow up huge buildings, skyscrapers tumbling like dominoes and a ‘surprise’ villain who everybody knew would be the villain just by looking at the cast list. Unless you’ve never seen a movie before. Then I guess it was a surprise to you. And the word ‘geostorm’ is mentioned so many times it’s as if they didn’t want you to forget the title of the movie.

Obviously, none of this movie makes any sense, but that may have been predictable from the very beginning given the trailer and the opening scene which is narrated by a little girl in order to engage the audience. It cannot be protected against any criticism against its originality, unremarkable dialogue or even the ludicrous driving ability of the main characters. However, all of this absurdity makes it quite an entertaining viewing. It was never going to be a masterpiece but it is more fun and comical than you might expect.

The only thing missing from this movie is a scene where Gerard Butler shouts, “THIS. IS. GEOSTORM!” and kicks a tornado into space.